Frustrated

I don't normally think of myself as a wimp. I like to push my limits and challenge myself in many ways. Right now I am sitting here trying not to cry and feeling very frustrated and sorry for myself. So pathetic. I really must stop it.

Granted – all my previous ankle surgeries were many years ago before I got into marathoning so I didn't hanker to get back into action as soon. And I actually had 4-6 weeks where I couldn't even put my foot down.

It will be two months on Monday since my surgery and I was hoping I could be regularly walking or running by now. Walking was going fine for a while, then my Achilles Tendon flared up.

I actually ran and walked 4 miles on the dreadmill on Wednesday and it felt pretty good. Did lots of icing and massage that night and the next morning it was great.

Today, I walked my dog in the snow and ice for one mile. Not even pushing it hard. And my foot is throbbing and burning so much that I can hardly focus on work. One mile. One lousy mile.

So I'm sitting here with my foot on ice and wishing the ibuprofen I took an hour ago would kick in. At the same time, I really want to go work out because I would feel better if I was starting to get back into shape.

Big sigh. Somebody pass by some cheese to go with the whine.

Do I go back to the recumbent bicycle? Do I start swimming? Do I focus on weight training and hope my foot heals enough to gut it through my early races for the year? Or do I lose my race entries in the Buffalo Run 50K and Big Sur Marathon because I may not be in shape or even be able to walk/run that far in 2-3 months. If my foot could quit hurting – I could gut it out through almost any distance. But I don't want to set things back even farther.

It could be so much worse – but right now the frustrations are overwhelming and I just want to curl up in bed and read a book and be lazy and not think anymore. Too bad I can't.

Thank you for listening to the whine.