Struggles

Everyone has struggles in life. That is what makes life interesting. I will admit that when I am "struggling" I really wish I wasn't. Aren't we all that way?

I have struggled with running this year. Last year I could run 13 miles without walking. I was doing 10-11 minute miles easily. I ran several marathons and completed a 50 mile race. While I was not in top physical condition, I was pretty proud of myself and had all sorts of goals for improving speed and conditioning in 2011.

Then I got sick. Running the Goofy Challenge (half marathon + marathon in 30 hours) while dealing with bronchitis and other infections was fun – but I paid for the fun later. My lung capacity decreased. I felt awful for a couple of months.

I decided a full-time job plus marathon training wasn't enough. I added a part-time job on top of that. Add on the fun of many stressful 70+ hour weeks at my full-time job and I quit running for a few months.

Oh – did I mention the tendon problems in the right ankle? And spending time in boots, braces, tape jobs?

Needless to say, 2011 has not turned out the way I wanted it to be.

However, I also have a dream. It is a dream I have had for many years. That dream involves completing a 100 mile race. I want (okay – I covet) a 100 mile finisher belt buckle. Is it because I think belt buckles are cool? NO. It is part of the dream. To finish 100 miles means I will have conquered myself mentally and physically. I will have done something that an extremely small percentage of the world's population has done. It will take time. It will take suffering. It will involve struggles.

So – while right now I wish I wasn't struggling – I am dreaming of voluntarily putting myself through serious struggles. I can't explain it – it just is.

My current struggles include depression. After weeks of "just not feeling right" and insomnia – it finally dawned on me that I had forgotten about my ongoing battle with depression and that it was time to get back on medication. I hope that between medication and working out – that I will get back on track really quickly.

Why?

Because I signed up for the 48 Hour Race at Across The Years in Phoenix, Arizona starting December 29^th. That belt buckle is going to be mine! Wouldn't that be a great way to end the year and start a new one?